HIDE-AND-SEEK

From fun game to hiding what you hope no one will seek

Photo by Melbin Jacob on Unsplash

THE FUN GAME OF HIDE-AND-SEEK

When our kids were younger, we played hide-and-seek. Our older kids didn’t mind playing with the younger ones because they hid in plain sight, which made it easier for the older ones to win. Young kids playing hide-and-seek is funny. One of my favorite memories is of our kids giggling from their hiding spots like we didn’t know where they were. Of course we played it up. “Where are you? Where could you be hiding?” More giggles emerged.

Hide-and-seek encourages spatial recognition, healthy separation, self-control, and bravery in young kids. They don’t process it that way. To them, it’s a game that’s fun. Until they turn it into something else.

Photo by Priscilla Du Preez 🇨🇦 on Unsplash

WHEN HIDING GOES SIDEWAYS

When kids do something wrong or have something they know they aren’t supposed to have, they will often hide—and not want to be found. What comes next is foundational.

If kids hide because of mistakes, sometimes we think it’s best to leave them until they emerge. Waiting a few minutes isn’t bad, but I believe that going after them when they hide for the wrong reasons shows them that hiding isn’t an answer.

One of our kids hid—and I honestly can’t remember why. Maybe for making a mess? Whatever it was, I left her for a few minutes and then went after her. “Hi, kiddo. What’s going on?”

“Nothing.”

“It seems something happened that you might not want me to know.”

Silence.

“We all make mistakes. I just want you to know that you can come to me and tell me things so we can talk about them and not hide them.”

“Ok, Mom. There’s a mess out there.” (Or whatever it was.)

“How does that make you feel?”

“Sad.”

“How would it feel if you told me about it and asked for help?”

I don’t remember the conversation exactly, I just know that the goal was to encourage her to have freedom to come for help, not to hide. I think it worked. If it didn’t, she hid things very well and I still don’t know about them. Ha, ha!

WHAT WE CAN DO NOW

Joking aside, we want our kids to come to us if they mess up. If they’re hurt. If they’re scared. Sure, there may be consequences. We made our kids clean up what they could and when appropriate, they’d get an extra chore around the house. But the point is to be approachable.

Photo by Andrik Langfield on Unsplash

Did I do this perfectly? Nope, there were times I yelled. Times I overreacted. That’s when a parent’s apology goes a long way in modeling healthy connection after conflict.

As adults, we also try to hide things we don’t want people to see, like shame. Disappointment. Fear. Insecurity. While we don’t have to wear these things on our sleeves, we do have opportunities to bring our mess-ups to the Throne of Grace, and we don’t have to stay in hiding.

Hiding as a fun game is good. Hiding to cover shame, isn’t. Often a lot of our ways of dealing with things came from our foundational years with our parents, so it puts pressure on us to “do it right” with our kids. Let me relieve you of that stress. You won’t always do it right. None of us will. But you can do it well. Seeking conversation, probing for our kids’ feelings while asking open ended questions, and being approachable, will help our kids come to us when they’re older and need to talk about bigger things.

And if you didn’t have that as a kid, it’s okay to seek it out now. Your inner child will thank you.